10. When sorting cattle, be more specific than, “Hold the black one.”
9. “A little late,” means less than an hour — anything more and you know where the microwave is.
8. Just because it’s felt and has fewer blood, manure and sweat stains doesn’t make it a ‘Sunday’ Stetson.
7. Any birthday gift hinting at self-improvement is suicidally stupid.
6. She and the guy at the parts counter agree — “whatchmacallit and dohickey” don’t cut it.
5. If you leave a tractor tire near the lawn don’t be surprised if it turns into a petunia planter.
4. When your cell phone goes through the washer, it’s your own darn fault.
3. Aim for ‘getting the gate’ yourself at least 50% of the time.
2. Better to let weeds grow in the lot than risk 2,4-D drift into her garden.
1. Falling asleep in the easy chair negates all rights to the remote.