The Top 10 farmer maladies that may not be covered by health insurance:

10. Cardiac events related to USDA crop reports.

9. Injuries suffered from throwing a wrench at a well-inflated tire.

8. Vienna Boys Choir syndrome from standing in the YEOW zone behind a lightning-footed calf in the squeeze chute line.

7. Strained vocal cords as the new kid heads for a 24-ft. gate with a 32-ft. implement.

6. Pulled muscle from chasing the neighbor’s bucket calf alumni bull out of the heifer paddock.

5. Any injury related to abruptly standing up in the 1-ft. vertical space under the combine after a close encounter with a skunk.

4. Back injuries from malfunctioning recliners.

3. Excessive water intake after slipping while retrieving your mobile phone from the stock tank.

2. Neck degradation from decades of looking out the back of the cab to figure out what the heck that noise is.

1. Kitchenware projectile injuries after being late for supper for the 2,117th time.