10. Always refer to a field that’s not located along a road.
9. Key phrase: ‘Well, yield monitors don’t lie.’
8. Let the other guy mention his yield first and then add 7.25 bushels.
7. Hint that you’ve been tweaking your secret high-yield recipe for some time now.
6. The coup de grace is mentioning the field in question is actually a little smaller than you thought so your b.p.a. has actually been higher for the past 37 years.
5. Write the ‘enhanced’ yield on the bottom-side of you cap bill so you can keep the story straight.
4. Do not push your luck by also claiming 15% protein content.
3. When they ask what variety it was, look smug and say, ‘I’m really not at liberty to say.’
2. It’s a nice touch to add, ‘I can’t imagine what it woulda made if the neighbor’s cows hadn’t got in it a week before harvest.’
1. Make sure neither landlord nor lender is within earshot.