10. Fully functional trailer lights are really more of a goal than a hard-and-fast rule.

9. Physics demand that a shower of golden liquid striking a hard surface will splash onto the hood of any shiny car following too closely.

8. Keep wind conditions in mind at all times (See item #9).

7. On roadways of more than two lanes, be advised that drifting into the right lane may indicate a left-hand turn while drifting into the left lane may precede a left-hand turn. Or not.

6. The operator of an open-gate trailer should be notified if cattle are spotted window-shopping along Main Street.

5. The cow-catcher on the truck is probably already bent-up so whip in front of him at your own peril.

4. Please inform children that cattle mooing in trailer are not saying hello and they’re not saying save me. They’re just mooing.

3. The operator of a trailer containing a shiny bull with a number on his back may be distracted by alternating thoughts of “what a great bull” and “I can’t believe I spent that much.”

2. Trailers that slant uphill tend to drain downhill.

1. If there are droopy, saddled ranch horses in the trailer, it’s being pulled by thirsty cowboys on their way home and they’ll definitely be whipping into that convenience store up ahead. £

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