10. Cow Pie Bingo on the White House lawn.
10. You find that newborn calf and then its mother finds you — new 100-yard dash record for rough terrain in cowboy boots.
10. Your high-tech baler’s alarm is going off but it’s unclear if you’re out of twine, due for service or in the path of a tornado.
10. Always refer to a field that’s not located along a road.
10. The windshield wipers on your hay baler tractor aren’t working.
10. He has to buy his own caps because nobody will give him one.
10. Bermuda is a grass, not a destination.
10. The way he’s driving you’d swear he’s been drinking but he’s just checking the crops.
10. A close encounter with wheat pasture cattle.
10. Hoop earrings, horned bull in the chute, bad combination.
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10. Cowboy sign language from the far end of the sorting pen doesn’t cut it.
10. You can tell by the nice clean puddle underneath the tractor that oil has been changed regularly.
10. The horse-eating bush in the pasture that he’s walked by 10 gazillion times.
10. A skeleton cow of undetermined heritage gimps into the sale ring and the ring man immediately looks at you.
10. Leave your fiscally responsible wife at home.
10. The first of 10,000 potentially yield-crushing diseases are hitchhiking up from Texas.
10. He buys one of those heart-shaped candy boxes on February 15 when the price drops.
10. You toss a dead possum as far out of the front yard as you can and your retriever sees you do it.
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10. He thinks “black layer” is some kind of chicken.
10. Sick calf fecal samples more-or-less safely zip-locked in the refrigerator.
10. The old hay barn works fine — for feeding loose hay to draft horses.
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Two-time national wheat yield contest winner C.R. Freeman, owner of Premium Beef and Grain of Hobart, swings for the fences without compromising on grain quality.
10. January keep-the-lots-muddy rain.
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10. When buying clothes for your wife, steal tags from her closet — don’t try to describe her size with hand gestures.
10. How can you retire when your 88-year old father is still plugging away?
10. He couldn’t buck on three legs so I wasn’t in any hurry to fix him.
10. If you really are what you eat, this guy is a glazed nut roast.
10. That cool breeze serves as an early warning indicator of imminent rivet failure on the back pocket of your jeans.
10. Some call it inefficient reproduction, you call it year-round cash flow.
10. People still talk about the monster in flowered boxer shorts and cowboy boots somebody saw walking from the barn.
10. Whether the deer has the right-of-way depends on which truck you’re driving — and how big his rack is.
10. The neighbor gets a new yellow truck — nope, it’s just covered with pollen.
10. The squeeze chute won’t squeeze.
10. Quarantine: Well, I believe what Dad actually said was, “You’re grounded!”
10. Most of his time is spent taking ‘selfies’ — him and the cows, him and the tractor, him and the 40 rods of electric fence he rolled up in the rotary mower.
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Cow-calf producers can add significant value to calves prior to sale. A careful look at the auction reports reveals the value of calf production and marketing practices. Hopefully bull calves were castrated at branding time or earlier but, if not, castration should be done in plenty of time …
10. There’s not a bull in the county that’s better at trespasser control.
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Winter wheat is used for grain-only, forage-only or dual-purpose systems targeting cattle grazing and grain production. In the Southern Plains, stocker producers interested in grazing winter wheat pastures often begin planting wheat in late August or early September. The desire to jump-start…
10. Fully functional trailer lights are really more of a goal than a hard-and-fast rule.
10. Wearing a mask: When being health conscious AND cattle rustling go hand-in-hand.
10. If you’re not going to fix your half of the property line fence, at least buy a decent bull.
10. He couldn’t buck worth a darn on three legs so I wasn’t in any hurry to fix him.
10. You toss a dead possum as far out of the yard as you can and your retriever sees you do it.
10. Recall notice: Semen you used a few months back was actually from an easy-calving Corriente bull.
10. He can tell you the day bean planting started back in ‘88 but he’s a little hazy on his wedding anniversary.
10. Abstain from chasing the neighbor’s mongrel bull out of your pasture with your pickup when you’re over-caffeinated.
10. He’s thinking about buying his own groundhog.
10. When the cows get out, you can just leave them there.
10. Front yard decision time: Burn it or bale it.
10. Stalk Broker: The purveyor of environmentally tailored seed genetics and darn nice caps.
10. You can just see that earring getting hooked on a cow’s horn, bale spear or about 500 other things.
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